54 Candles Expedition

Head Injuries

By Allen Sherpa

Ten men – most from the White Mountains of Arizona – will launch an assault on the summit of Mount Hood, Oregon’s highest mountain, in the early morning hours of Friday the 13^th of April, 2001. Allen Sherpa was invited to participate, but declined. With this letter, he’s staying in close contact with the climbing party.

OK Rope Ranger – Now I know you’re out of your minds. I’ve just been reading a book called “Accidents in North American Mountaineering”. It contains the actual reports of all the accidents your bedrock brethren were involved in last year. It talks about the where, when, how and why these people crashed. There are numerous variations on the theme, but let me save you a little reading time and reduce all of the explanations down to one sentence: These guys are nuts!

In 1999, there were 245 climbers involved in accidents in the United States. 16 were killed and 91 more were injured. And 1999 was a great year. You ought to see the numbers for 97 and 98.

Looking over the numbers is pretty interesting. About two thirds of the wrecks occurred while the climbers were heading up the mountain. I would think that most of them would take place on the descent, but I guess if a bunch of you guys get knocked off going up, there’s probably not as many coming down so fewer get hurt.

The “official cause” of about two thirds of the accidents was “slipping and falling on rocks, snow or ice.” About ten percent came because climbers “exceeded their abilities”. Are you sure you wouldn’t be better off watching a movie on TV?

Here’s great news for the half of you guys that are over fifty years old. The odds of someone under fifty getting hurt in a mountaineering accident are thirty five times higher than someone over fifty getting hurt. At first glance, your team is almost guaranteed success on this climb. But then I thought about it. Most fifty year olds have learned what you guys haven’t . . . it’s safer and more comfortable to sit by a fire and watch the snow through a window. Most guys your age apparently are a bit smarter. Also, those that aren’t smarter have already fallen from mountains and have taken themselves out of the picture.

More good news. Relatively few of the accidents occur in April, the month you’re going to climb the mountain. The bad news . . . that’s because most climbers are smart enough to climb later in the year when the weather’s better.

Reading over some of these reports gives me reason to believe you’re not the only crazy bunch on the loose. There are climbers in here that fell trying to rappel down a 180 foot cliff with a 150 foot rope. Duh. . . What’s wrong with that picture?

Here’s one to think about. Last year, a married couple climbed a mountain. They were roped together (obviously newly weds). One of them fell. This pulled the other one over and they tumbled more than 2,000 feet down the mountain. They were still tied together when they found them. Neither survived.

This happened on – you guessed it – Mount Hood. You guys are planning on standing on the spot from which they fell.

After reviewing the accident reports and statistics, I’m going to propose a little change in plans for you. Forget this Mount Hood thing. Try scaling Cinder Mountain, in June, in the daylight hours, wearing helmets, scooting up the mountain while in the sitting position. Order pizza and have it waiting when you get to the top. It seems to me this would make a lot more sense and dramatically increase your chances of coming home in one piece.

If you continue to pursue this “highest mountain in Oregon” thing and something does go wrong, hopefully, you’ll fall on your head. That way, you won’t hurt anything useful.

If nothing else, we’ve got to do some more research on the expedition. Well, I guess that’s another story.