54 Candles Expedition

The View from the Lodge

By Allen Sherpa

Ten men – most from the White Mountains of Arizona – will launch an assault on the summit of Mount Hood, Oregon’s highest mountain, in the early morning hours of Friday the 13^th of April, 2001. Allen Sherpa was invited to participate, but declined. With this letter, he’s staying in close contact with the climbing party.

There is some comfort in knowing that not all of you 54 Candles people are out of your minds. In fact, I’m out and out proud of some of the “beneficiaries”. These are the friends and family members of the climbers. They too will be traveling to the Oregon Cascades for the ascent of Mount Hood, but unlike the climbers themselves, these more sensible people have reserved luxurious rooms at the beautiful Timberline Lodge located 6,000 feet up face of the mountain.

As the climbers, high on the mountain above, struggle into their capilene expedition weight thermal underwear, the beneficiaries will be slipping into the hot tub at the lodge. While the climbers boil snow to make water for their assault on the summit, the beneficiaries will be pouring a pinot noir. As the climbers force feed themselves on freeze-dried macaroni and cheese, the beneficiaries will be sitting down to Steak Diane, the fourth course of their gourmet dinner. As the beneficiaries relax and read a novel, the climbers are reading snow conditions to gauge avalanche hazards. As the climbers shiver, the beneficiaries put another log on the fire.

Now, come on Hill Hound, if you were picking the members of your intercollegiate debate team, which group are you going to be looking at as a source of smarts? You might consider dropping the 54 Candles name and going with something along the lines of the “Dash Up Hood” expedition. You could have tee-shirts and duffle bags with your “D.U.H.” logo all over them.

I’ve done a little reading about some of the more famous climbing expeditions on Mount Everest (Not that you guys aren’t famous mind you). I have learned that there are typically two groups, the climbers and the staff at “base-camp”. The “climbers” all have their roles like chief guide, assistant guide, sirdar, and so on. I assume you’ve got your little pecking order all worked out too.

What I found more interesting is the structure of the crew at base-camp. They usually have a base-camp commander, chief cook, lead sherpa, a doctor, and perhaps a scientist or two. You might want to take this structural design and see if you can improve on it. With wives, family and friends holed up at the Timberline “base-camp”, I’m sure they will need to fill some special positions.

Social Director – The Timberline Lodge has a number of restaurants, hot tubs, swimming pools, sitting rooms and the like. It would be wise to have one person designated as responsible for coordination of these mountaineering resources. She can serve as a central repository of the information required for the expedition’s base-camp success. When do pools open? What time is the movie? In the event the climbers become marooned in a blizzard on the mountain, someone will have to step in and plan additional “social” time.

Wine Steward – On cold, wintry nights, a bit of port can be worth two logs on the fire. Yet, if the beneficiaries aren’t properly prepared, order placement and wine procurement could become a nightmare. I’m not sure how serious it’s considered by the American Alpine Association, but odds are that ordering a cabernet/syrah blend with veal marsalla is a fairly serious mountaineering mishap.

Material Procurement Coordinator - Some of the beneficiaries will be staying in rooms with fireplaces. It is no small task to make certain firewood is available at all times. (And the consequences of non-performance can be tragic). Other critical expedition sundries must be managed. Sun screen (in the unlikely event one of the beneficiaries ventures outside for a few minutes), makeup and the like. There’s plenty to keep this person busy.

Financial Planner – Most of these base-campers are spouses or family members. Some of these climbers are sporting some pretty good sized life insurance policies. In the event the worst happens, let’s face it, there are going to be some rich widows here. In this moment of need, tax planning can be a serious matter.

As you can see, planning a mountain climbing expedition of the magnitude of 54 Candles is no trivial matter. Both climbing and base-camp groups can’t plan too much and must not take their responsibilities lightly. As we get closer and closer to summit day, I’m sure other issues will need to be addressed. Well, I guess that’s another story.