54 Candles Expedition

Promotion

By Allen Sherpa

Ten men – most from the White Mountains of Arizona – will launch an assault on the summit of Mount Hood, Oregon’s highest mountain, in the early morning hours of Friday the 13^th of April, 2001. Allen Sherpa was invited to participate, but declined. With this letter, he’s staying in close contact with the climbing party.

Wow! I’ve just been looking over some of the bills for the expedition. This little venture would sure pay for a lot of trips to Disneyland. You might want to consider forgetting about Hood and setting your sights on Anaheim. It would save you a lot of money and you could actually ride to the top of the Matterhorn in a roller-coaster car.

When I see how much it’s costing you nut-cases to freeze tail at high altitude, I’m now convinced more than ever that you’ve completely cracked. I mean – ten guys, approximately 10 guests, airfare, food, lodging, van rental, a couple thousand dollars in mountain climbing gear and high fashion for each of them! The lodge dwelling guests (the beneficiaries) will probably be spending that much on wine and cheese while you’re building igloos in the snow. How on earth are you guys going to pay for all this?

I’ve been reading a fair amount about the big expeditions to places like Mount Everest. The governments of the countries in which the big, famous mountains are found charge huge fees for the permits to climb. The cost for just one climber on an Everest expedition typically runs about $65,000. This doesn’t include getting there. It’s just the fee to climb. Needless to say, this is neither for the faint of heart nor for the financially puny.

Looking at this, you might think you’ve got to be rich to be a mountain climber. Not true. I believe you’ve got to be a little “goofy”, but you don’t have to be rich. Some Everest climbers are rich, but most raise money through sponsorships. That’s the ticket! Sponsors.

If you’re a business person, don’t you want everyone to know who you are? Of course you do. What better way than to slip a few dollars to some crazed mountain climber. In exchange, the climber agrees to haul your company’s banner and logo to the top of the mountain and take pictures on the summit while posing with the banner. These pictures show up in all the newspapers, television shows, books, obituary notices, asylum annuals, and so on. The climber further agrees to wear the company logo on the company hat which is above the company shirt which is covering the company tattoo that’s been placed on the company owned backside of the climber. The sponsor gets tons of publicity and the climber raises enough money to get to eat macaroni and cheese for a month with frozen toes and fingers ice-glued to the spoon.

Hey Wrock Wrangler, I see a plan coming together here. The question is what businesses are going to be anxious to sponsor you guys and your insanity draped quest for the top of Mount Hood? All you have to do is open your eyes. They’re right in front of you. Try calling these guys.

The Body Works. This is the name of the local health club. I can just see their logo sitting high atop Mount Hood. People will think they’re the preferred source of fitness training that got you to the top. In reality, they can be the preferred source of physical therapy and rehabilitation if and when you get back.

The White Mountain Mental Health Clinic. This is an absolutely perfect sponsor. Not only do they get the publicity they need, but they get to meet you guys too. They’re looking for clients. Bingo! They’ve got’em. Furthermore, you guys tend to hang out where other crazy people do, mountain tops. Think of the referrals you can send them.

What about food sponsors? I’m surprised some of these people haven’t hunted you down already. Basha’s grocery store. Surely, Eddie can generate one promotion after another with this thing. After all, he’s got “hot dogs” just like some of you guys. He sells macaroni and cheese. You’ll be eating a ton of that. He sells those supermarket tabloids that tell the wild tails about the crazy people. He sells frozen foods. You guys might even offer to stand in one of his walk-in freezers when you get back wearing your expedition gear and waving at the customers. And of course, he’s got an entire section dedicated to fruits and nuts. Now there’s a natural.

Speaking of nuts, what about the “Planters” people? You know, the one’s that sell the Planters Peanuts. You play your cards right and they might fund the whole expedition. Think about it. You could end up with your pictures pasted right there on the package. Kids at ball games and walking around in the zoos of the world would be looking at your icy faces as they tossed a couple more peanuts into their mouths. You could solve the problem of shipping your gear to Oregon for the climb too. I’m sure they’d be delighted to provide you with a few nut-cases to pack your equipment. After all, who doesn’t see the connection there?

I’m sure the list doesn’t end here. There are countless other opportunities. Think about a straight-jacket with your 54 Candles logo embroidered on it. It’s just plain exciting to think about it. Well, I guess that’s another story.